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The kids may have trouble dealing with your amicable divorce

 Under normal circumstances, your marital breakup would probably be fraught with emotions such as stress, anxiety and anger. Your children would not be happy about the divorce, but they would understand it. The relationship was deteriorating. They would have seen it coming.

On the other hand, if you and your spouse are heading toward an amicable divorce, your children may be totally baffled. You will have to help them adjust to a new reality in which their parents still get along but have chosen to live separate lives.

What to explain

There are many reasons for a breakup, and some are not that obvious: 

  • You have simply grown apart.
  • Your interests have changed.
  • You are not contented or satisfied with the way things are.
  • You think life must have more to offer.
  • You have fallen out of love.

Trying to explain such things to your kids may draw blank stares. From their point of view, the family is fine. Why would you want to change it?

What they may think

If there was no blowup, the children may continue to question the decision to divorce. At some point, they might think the whole thing is somehow their fault. They may fantasize about ways to get you back together. They likely do not want this to happen and even may, for a while, hate you for going through with it.

What you can do

Be prepared to field questions and accusations born of bewilderment for a long time. Respond as truthfully and calmly as you can. Assure the children that the divorce was not their fault and that you are not going to divorce them too - younger ones especially may worry about this.

You and your spouse have no doubt established your co-parenting plan with the children’s best interests at the core. Stick to it; children want and need routine in their lives. Above all, remember that the interactions that develop between you, your children and your ex will continue for the rest of your lives. Keep the faith: One day the kids will appreciate the fact that you had a civilized, amicable divorce.

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Haller & Imbarlina, P.C.
20120 Route 19, Suite 208
Gigliotti Plaza
Cranberry Township, PA 16066

Phone: 724-935-0820
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Haller & Imbarlina, P.C.